Tuesday, August 03, 2010

(this is a quilt I made about a year ago, It sold at Convergence 2009)

I have been looking through magazines at Barnes and Noble today and was unimpressed with allot of what I saw. I have to say the social norms are random weirdness. I guess my burning question is , now what? I like random weirdness, don't get me wrong, I loved being described as organic. I still do. Being authentic has been my state of mind for as long as I have been alive. I loved the quote "I am what I am" Poppy was right all the way on that one. I'm just wondering if people are being authentic or just trying hard to be weird, so they are noticed. The other thought is maybe I'm envious of there success of being authentic. Its very complex emotions I have been feeling lately. I know I have talent, I've never questioned that, I just don't know what to do with it. I'm kinda all over the place when it comes to that, "So many hobbies so little time' comes to mind. Which seems to be so very true when I think about it. I don't want to get rid of my hobbies, I just want to use all of them to create something bigger then maybe myself. But not so big that I loose what I have. Again with the complexities. What to do? What to do?

I've been writing a book for about fifteen years now. I have lot of pictures that I have drawn, paintings I have started and started many quilts, doll clothes that not many will buy, take pretty pictures with my camra, I knit so many things and they are warm. Part of me thinks I should give it all up, and the other part of me thinks its crazy to even think that way. Sigh.

I'm also thinking I need a fresh prospective on everything. Step out of my proverbial box of social norms and stretch out my wings and learn a new way to fly. I have the ambition to talk about it, just not the knowledge on how to do it. I also lack the ambition to get over my fears, go fig. I'll try and let you know how things go.


bnsheehan said...

Never, never, NEVER give up on all your talents. From what you've said here you thrive on being creative and simply can't lose that.

Jenny said...

The quilt turned out lovely, I don't think I saw it completed. Ambition is good but you also need to recognize what you have. Talent and creativity are awesome forces that can move mountains. It doesn't matter that you are unfocused in your ambition just the fact that you keep striving will make the world better.