This post is about the man who's picture I put up...His name is Eric Bryce Dibble, he was born July 31, 1975 and he passed away Oct. 17, 2001.

Since his birthday is coming up, I thought I would write about him. His nick name was Guppy, and he was great soul.

He became my Husband June 12, 1998 and was a father to Jerid that same year.

He loved being a dad, even with his declining health he was as active as he could be at the Ren. Fest Minnesota.

I miss him and his laugh.

Rest in Peace Guppy, you are still loved.

Trouble sleeping

Lately I've been haveing problems sleeping at night, I have been staying up not because I'm not tired but because I haven't been sleeping well. I don't seem to be the only one, of my friends because I end up I.M.ing people on Facebook or talking on the phone till late at night. When I do go to bed, every noise seems to wake me up, When I do sleep, I wake up feeling just as tired as I did before I went to bed. I'm awake and aware. Just tired and drained. I did notice since we got the AC put in my sleeping has gotten a little bit better. The up side of being awake is that I have been busy.
I have finished Justin's brown socks and now am make a new pair, also still working on baby hats, and started a five hour baby sweater. I've also started my new job of being a paid Parent threw the CDSC grant, I should be getting my first pay check in about a week, I think. (hope)
I also have to start thinking of baby blankets soon, I have a few friends that are expecting before the year is through.
I'm also hoping with my pay checks, I will have enough money to start taking time for myself for a change. I have lots of bills to take careful (who doesn't) I'm hoping to have enough to have one night a week just for me. (preferably Wednesdays) so I can be social and maybe alittle active.
Well heres to being active.

Jerid started summer school last week, I had a meeting with Andrea B. (Jerid's social worker) I am now signed up to get paid as a Paid Parent, It to me is very exciting and scarey. Let the adventure begin. I've been knitting the second sock in a set, for Justin, just got done with the heal. I've been using my left overs for infent hats, which are alot of fun! Jusin has a lot of phone calls to make, which he successfully avoided today. I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow, the up side is we have our AC in at the trailer now, at least we can be confortable when we go to bed. Jerid is having a hard time with working at Kidtalk, I don't know how I can make it easy for him, I wish I knew why he is so resistent to working with them. I'm also wondering why he is so reluctant to most things, he just seems more withdrawn then usual. sigh.
I can't help but relate it to Bill (Justin's dad) he is resistant to cares and is withdrawn as well. Not that it is related but it just seems like a paraelle.
I'm also trying to think of ways to use my tallents to bring about money or at least change to the system at hand. I can' t help but wonder why the government doesn't want familly's to have a legacy. It seems that houses are taken from famillies every year, because of the lack of money that a family can't pay to properly take care of a family member. Why is it so hard to find affordiable care for our aging community. No fed. gov. program, sliding fee scale with options for family to help by moving in to keep the family home sted. According to lawyers, Minnesota State law has made it even harder to keep a residence, no matter how many generations have lived in it. I can't believe that. It doesn't matter how much you've done from a far, because they are resistant to help (trying to convice you they are ok because of pride.) and tryed like hell to get your loved one home, to take care of them and give them what they want (which is to be home) That is why I want to start a "Keep the family home project" a non-profit org. to help give the family what they need when all they want to do is presurve the family home and history for the next gen. I just have no Idea how to do it. If anyone knows how, please let me know.

Thanks

thinking about my life

I've been thinking about my life and wondering what the heck I'm doing in it. As much as I like helping people and as much as I like using my talent to help others, I haven't done much for myself. I know that helping others shouldn't be a thing I should stop. I like helping others, I just think that I should start helping myself. I just don't know how. I want so much to happen for myself and my friends, yet I can't help but feel selfish even thinking this way. Even a little bit. I have to admit the more I try to "help myself" the more things go coocoo for me. the more I do for others, the more my life gets easier. I also have to take note the more I acknowlage this the more my life gets complicated.
This universe is very big and I am feeling so very small. I also feel anything I truely want is so big that it is not possible for me to grasp. That is for other people to have and I am not good enough and I am not worthy of such nice things to happen for me. Maybe If I write about it maybe I could send it to the world and let them deside, or the "cyber gods" can deside, I hate being the leaf on the wind, and wish to be the wind just for once, and have that power to move the fog from the confussed minds of the world and let the sun shine on the paths of hopes and dreams so that everyone can have a clear path, including my own, so I don't have to feel like a person who has to grope threw the smokey consussion and know if I'm close to my dream or if I'm going to go off a cliff. Sigh, entill then I will continue with knitting for babys that need warmth & socks for my S.O.
and continue with the prayer that some how the fog will lift on its own, and I will be able to see things before I fall. Heres to hoping.

convergance 2010

Beth Kinderman is trying to not fall asleep at Convergance 2010, this picture was taken at 2;30 am Friday July 2, 2010! Convegence is in full swing, I'll have more pictures and video soon!