I haven't been in a writing mood lately, Ironically it is writing awareness month. I have to admit that I have been more on the groove pof picture and knitting happy. I have been exparimenting with more then one color and have been knitting for Christmas, I almost got my mom's gift done. I just don't know what to make for others. Or if I will. The Picture that is up is from the Minnehaha Falls in Minnesota. I was there on the 12th of November. Justin and his bands (Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters and the Feng Shui Ninjas) went to WindyCon near Chicago IL. this past weekend (Nov. 12-14) They are very good bands and I suggest to anyone who haven't heard them to check them out.

I've been trying to get together with friends to get other projects done, but the it seems to be that the project gods have deemed it not worth it. I will continue to try, I just think I shouldn't promise anything.

that is for now

have a good week

Tomorrow is November 2, 2010. A voting day. Even though it isn't a presidential election. I hope everyone will find it in their day to vote. Ok now that I have that out of the way. The last few weeks have been a little crazy Justin and Jerid went to Long Lake Conservation Center Up North Minnesota, October 18-20 th. Having the time to myself I went to Minnehaha Falls. I also went to the Mall of America. Gearing up for winter, Moving to Carver MN. has been a intresting feet. We have been slowly moving. The biggest thing right now is money. We have to start paying for past due bills for our house and Justin's dad's house. Thankfully Justin just transfered jobs to MRCI for more pay and more hours. It isn't alot more, but hay, more is more...right? Also I have been knitting like crazy. I am knitting for Christmas and I also have to think baby quilts, many of my friends are having babies. So that's all I guess entill next time.

This is Jerid, my son. He we were at Caribou the other day and I was playing with my webcam. Of course this meens he had to take over and Ham it up for everyone! I thought it was so cute that I have to share! Enjoy... It's about three minutes long, so get some popcorn. LoL!

My Birthday week went great!! The day of my Birthday, Justin and a few friends, Rahki and Tim, went walking in the morning and then went to D'vinci's for lunch. I was told that calories don't count on my birthday, so I ate lots and got a birthday shake!!!! It was fun. I also had gotten allot of Happy Birthdays on Face book from those who would have other wise not known what it was. Sweet none the less. For my Birthday I got me the Knitting with out Tears book (finely) and The Knitters Workshop By. Elisabeth Zimmerman . Crazy as it is I have also made so far Three Baby Surprise sweaters, and a rendition of a baby blanket only done as a wash cloth. I also thinking of making me the Rorschach sweater, I just have to find all the yarn for it, I know I have it. It's just packed somewhere. Also Rahki, Justin, Tim and I have been getting together to walk on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, at the Chaska Community Center. So far this is the second week. It seems to be working. Tomorrow Rahki is coming out to make Zucchini Bread, she brought me lots and man I have no idea what else to do with it. We will have lots for Ren. Fest. Which started last weekend. Jerid is on the last week of summer camp with Mount Olivet Rolling Acers. He has a love hate relationship with the place, he doesn't want to go entill he is there and then he is fine. I'm waiting for my second pay check from MRCI. I am also waiting to get the paper work to sign Justin up to start getting his job started there, he will be getting more money and more pay. I see no down side to it. We are also going to making the move to Carver after all. We have discussed it. It would be in the best interest of Justin's father to move in and pay off his fathers depts and live in his house until medically he can return. For we know the days of his father living on his own is no longer an option. We just have to get him med's that will be able to stabilize his moods so he doesn't fight getting the cares that he needs.

I finished my socks just for me, they are so easy to make too. I thought they were so pretty I should share! My friend Heather, (a fellow doll collector and knitter) gave me the pattern stitch, and I desided to make socks from it. The pattern was two rows and three stitches and I just choose to put them into socks.

Pattern Stitch is: (in the round)

Row 1: K 1 tbl (through back loop) K 1 P1

Row 2: K2 K 1 tbl

as long as the numbers are odd then you can make socks, sweaters in the round and hats!

Just thinking...

I'm just wondering why the world has to be so complex, way every one has to work so very hard to get what they want, to have it always be known that it can be taken away without rhyme, reason or notice, and the ones taking it away realy don't want what you have, they just want to make money from it, and it's meening dosn't matter. This is the world we live in. That is it.

Jerid has been going to Summer Camp this week, two more weeks to go. He seemed to develope a cough, I took him to urgent care, but it seems nothing medical, I guess I have to up his juice intake, and make sure he eats, gets rest. I am fearing he may be sick soon. I really hope it's just allergies. I don't want to take him out of Camp, he really likes it. I like that he does. We talked to an elder care lawyer today. sigh. We couldn't stay longer then an hour and she insisted on getting paid right there. Two hundred an hour...How can you sit there and look at people and seriously expect two hundred dollars for sitting on your but and looking at some papers, saying things to people that may already know. I am appalled at the amout of greed that people have. Ok, rant over....Sigh, I just wish things weren't so complicated when it comes to keeping a family house in the family. Justin and I have finally come to the conclusion that we just need to move to Carver. It would be in His dad's best intrest for some one to live in his house, on the premise that he will return home, he can't live alone.

lately I have been on face book ranting about the way the community and the world has been acting. I have been reading how religious groups have been holding up signs saying "God hates...fill in the blank..." I realize that it's been going on long before I was born and will be going on as long as the human race has posible thumbs.
I am not a Christian, nor do I follow the Christian faith in any way, I do not have a church, People are the ones that hate. To say or put in writing that God hates anything is selfish and ignerate and should have some serious counciling to boot. I know that the universel God is supposed to made of love and nothing more.
I also realize as long as there is opposing thoughts and politics that people will bash anyone as long as they are in a politial party that they are not in, weather they like them as a person or not. It's sad and frustrating.
I admit that I have opposing views in politics, I will also debate with people. I admit I didn't mind the bashing when it was George W. Bush. I had disliked him from the beggining because I was so frustrated and felt like my freedom of speech was being squished while he was our president, I got on the band wagon as soon as the uprise of political bashing happened, now that the world is happy that he is out of office. I am realizing how even with less fustration with our present the world has, people with opposing thoughts are angry. They are excersizing their freedom of speech, I just wish it didn't sound so much like they are screaming fire, in a crowded theater and there is none.
I have to admit that I am not perfect in the least bit. I'm the first to admit this. I just wish more people would personify their beliefs as something more then their own.

Well yesterday we went to our friends Hope and Kirk's new house. It was their son, Evan's, Birthday party. It was pretty fun, I should mention that it was Hope's birthday celebration, and a house warming party as well. There was games and even a Pinata and a fire pit with s'mores as well. all was fun, it was a great to be outside. I met new people and saw people I haven't seen since last year. Jerid was beyond well be haive...until we had to leave, because he didn't want too, we had a tantrum, but I'm happy to report. It was a normal kind coming from a eleven year old. So Ya hay. It is the little things I swear that make life worth living. Today is a little less hectic. We have met up with a friend of ours, Rahki, she was in town to help some friends of hers to set up the tent where she will be sleeping during Ren. Fest. MN. which starts on the 21st of Aug. We took her to the Carver house, because she had never seen it in person. Needless to say, she thinks we should live there too. Sigh, I hate having everything in limbo. At the same time. I doesn't feel that bad. Hard to explain. (The picture was taken by Justin Hartley at the Evan's birthday party)

Ok, writing every day has been happening. Just not here. I'm getting better. LOL. I have been trying to be taking more pictures too. Ok, insperation isn't as rampit some days then others. Exciting things are happening, next week Jerid will be going to a summer camp for the next two weeks. Its a day camp, I hope that Jerid will like it. That is my main worry is that he will not like it. It's sometimes hit and miss with him, some days he likes things and the same things the next day make him mad. so it should be an adventure when it comes to this.

Entil then I'm working my second sock, for myself, and just bought some yarn, the Ravenclaw colors from the book (blue and bronze) I am hoping I get the gumtion to actually have something complete for the next Harry Potter movie comes out in November.

Ok, happy knitting!

I'm trying to write a little everyday. Who knows by the time I'm really truly old, I'll have a novel no one will read. Could be fun.

(this is a quilt I made about a year ago, It sold at Convergence 2009)

I have been looking through magazines at Barnes and Noble today and was unimpressed with allot of what I saw. I have to say the social norms are random weirdness. I guess my burning question is , now what? I like random weirdness, don't get me wrong, I loved being described as organic. I still do. Being authentic has been my state of mind for as long as I have been alive. I loved the quote "I am what I am" Poppy was right all the way on that one. I'm just wondering if people are being authentic or just trying hard to be weird, so they are noticed. The other thought is maybe I'm envious of there success of being authentic. Its very complex emotions I have been feeling lately. I know I have talent, I've never questioned that, I just don't know what to do with it. I'm kinda all over the place when it comes to that, "So many hobbies so little time' comes to mind. Which seems to be so very true when I think about it. I don't want to get rid of my hobbies, I just want to use all of them to create something bigger then maybe myself. But not so big that I loose what I have. Again with the complexities. What to do? What to do?

I've been writing a book for about fifteen years now. I have lot of pictures that I have drawn, paintings I have started and started many quilts, doll clothes that not many will buy, take pretty pictures with my camra, I knit so many things and they are warm. Part of me thinks I should give it all up, and the other part of me thinks its crazy to even think that way. Sigh.

I'm also thinking I need a fresh prospective on everything. Step out of my proverbial box of social norms and stretch out my wings and learn a new way to fly. I have the ambition to talk about it, just not the knowledge on how to do it. I also lack the ambition to get over my fears, go fig. I'll try and let you know how things go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2PM0om2El8

Ok, this was a post on Facebook by my cousin Dan, and I have to share it with all I can. I still watch it and literally Laugh out Loud everytime I see it.

This post is about the man who's picture I put up...His name is Eric Bryce Dibble, he was born July 31, 1975 and he passed away Oct. 17, 2001.

Since his birthday is coming up, I thought I would write about him. His nick name was Guppy, and he was great soul.

He became my Husband June 12, 1998 and was a father to Jerid that same year.

He loved being a dad, even with his declining health he was as active as he could be at the Ren. Fest Minnesota.

I miss him and his laugh.

Rest in Peace Guppy, you are still loved.

Trouble sleeping

Lately I've been haveing problems sleeping at night, I have been staying up not because I'm not tired but because I haven't been sleeping well. I don't seem to be the only one, of my friends because I end up I.M.ing people on Facebook or talking on the phone till late at night. When I do go to bed, every noise seems to wake me up, When I do sleep, I wake up feeling just as tired as I did before I went to bed. I'm awake and aware. Just tired and drained. I did notice since we got the AC put in my sleeping has gotten a little bit better. The up side of being awake is that I have been busy.
I have finished Justin's brown socks and now am make a new pair, also still working on baby hats, and started a five hour baby sweater. I've also started my new job of being a paid Parent threw the CDSC grant, I should be getting my first pay check in about a week, I think. (hope)
I also have to start thinking of baby blankets soon, I have a few friends that are expecting before the year is through.
I'm also hoping with my pay checks, I will have enough money to start taking time for myself for a change. I have lots of bills to take careful (who doesn't) I'm hoping to have enough to have one night a week just for me. (preferably Wednesdays) so I can be social and maybe alittle active.
Well heres to being active.

Jerid started summer school last week, I had a meeting with Andrea B. (Jerid's social worker) I am now signed up to get paid as a Paid Parent, It to me is very exciting and scarey. Let the adventure begin. I've been knitting the second sock in a set, for Justin, just got done with the heal. I've been using my left overs for infent hats, which are alot of fun! Jusin has a lot of phone calls to make, which he successfully avoided today. I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow, the up side is we have our AC in at the trailer now, at least we can be confortable when we go to bed. Jerid is having a hard time with working at Kidtalk, I don't know how I can make it easy for him, I wish I knew why he is so resistent to working with them. I'm also wondering why he is so reluctant to most things, he just seems more withdrawn then usual. sigh.
I can't help but relate it to Bill (Justin's dad) he is resistant to cares and is withdrawn as well. Not that it is related but it just seems like a paraelle.
I'm also trying to think of ways to use my tallents to bring about money or at least change to the system at hand. I can' t help but wonder why the government doesn't want familly's to have a legacy. It seems that houses are taken from famillies every year, because of the lack of money that a family can't pay to properly take care of a family member. Why is it so hard to find affordiable care for our aging community. No fed. gov. program, sliding fee scale with options for family to help by moving in to keep the family home sted. According to lawyers, Minnesota State law has made it even harder to keep a residence, no matter how many generations have lived in it. I can't believe that. It doesn't matter how much you've done from a far, because they are resistant to help (trying to convice you they are ok because of pride.) and tryed like hell to get your loved one home, to take care of them and give them what they want (which is to be home) That is why I want to start a "Keep the family home project" a non-profit org. to help give the family what they need when all they want to do is presurve the family home and history for the next gen. I just have no Idea how to do it. If anyone knows how, please let me know.

Thanks

thinking about my life

I've been thinking about my life and wondering what the heck I'm doing in it. As much as I like helping people and as much as I like using my talent to help others, I haven't done much for myself. I know that helping others shouldn't be a thing I should stop. I like helping others, I just think that I should start helping myself. I just don't know how. I want so much to happen for myself and my friends, yet I can't help but feel selfish even thinking this way. Even a little bit. I have to admit the more I try to "help myself" the more things go coocoo for me. the more I do for others, the more my life gets easier. I also have to take note the more I acknowlage this the more my life gets complicated.
This universe is very big and I am feeling so very small. I also feel anything I truely want is so big that it is not possible for me to grasp. That is for other people to have and I am not good enough and I am not worthy of such nice things to happen for me. Maybe If I write about it maybe I could send it to the world and let them deside, or the "cyber gods" can deside, I hate being the leaf on the wind, and wish to be the wind just for once, and have that power to move the fog from the confussed minds of the world and let the sun shine on the paths of hopes and dreams so that everyone can have a clear path, including my own, so I don't have to feel like a person who has to grope threw the smokey consussion and know if I'm close to my dream or if I'm going to go off a cliff. Sigh, entill then I will continue with knitting for babys that need warmth & socks for my S.O.
and continue with the prayer that some how the fog will lift on its own, and I will be able to see things before I fall. Heres to hoping.

convergance 2010

Beth Kinderman is trying to not fall asleep at Convergance 2010, this picture was taken at 2;30 am Friday July 2, 2010! Convegence is in full swing, I'll have more pictures and video soon!

Things are topsy turvey right now...I don't want to get to horrably into detail because I don't want to bore anyone. So I'll talk about all of the good stuff I can. Justin's bands, the Feng Shui Ninjas and Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters are having a CD release party as we speak! For the Feng Shui Ninjas, the CD is named Home Shuritken Kit (in case of an emergancy throw this disc) and for Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters it's More songs about Robots and Death. Both sound awesome! I get more amazed at the talent that they have every year.

I'm still knitting baby hats, my friend Linda, who I've been giving them to, told me that they have been going to North Memorial Hospitals in Mpls, MN. Up entill now I had no idea.

Jerid is going to be starting summer school in early July, Jerid qualified for wavered services for the CDSC grant, which meens I will be able to be payed to be Jerids care giver, which meens I'll be payed, I'll have a real paying job. I'm looking forward to making enough to pay taxes again. That hasn't happened in so long. We have been preparing for Convergance, this year we didn't prepare as well as we usually do, I still don't know if I'll have anything in time for the Art show.


Justin's dad was home from the Nursing home for the weekend last week, but had to go back to the rehab center. sigh, complicated things going on with the house in Carver. four and half generations of history may be left to the state, not to Justin , because of Bill not trying anyone. sigh.