Trouble sleeping

Lately I've been haveing problems sleeping at night, I have been staying up not because I'm not tired but because I haven't been sleeping well. I don't seem to be the only one, of my friends because I end up I.M.ing people on Facebook or talking on the phone till late at night. When I do go to bed, every noise seems to wake me up, When I do sleep, I wake up feeling just as tired as I did before I went to bed. I'm awake and aware. Just tired and drained. I did notice since we got the AC put in my sleeping has gotten a little bit better. The up side of being awake is that I have been busy.
I have finished Justin's brown socks and now am make a new pair, also still working on baby hats, and started a five hour baby sweater. I've also started my new job of being a paid Parent threw the CDSC grant, I should be getting my first pay check in about a week, I think. (hope)
I also have to start thinking of baby blankets soon, I have a few friends that are expecting before the year is through.
I'm also hoping with my pay checks, I will have enough money to start taking time for myself for a change. I have lots of bills to take careful (who doesn't) I'm hoping to have enough to have one night a week just for me. (preferably Wednesdays) so I can be social and maybe alittle active.
Well heres to being active.

Jerid started summer school last week, I had a meeting with Andrea B. (Jerid's social worker) I am now signed up to get paid as a Paid Parent, It to me is very exciting and scarey. Let the adventure begin. I've been knitting the second sock in a set, for Justin, just got done with the heal. I've been using my left overs for infent hats, which are alot of fun! Jusin has a lot of phone calls to make, which he successfully avoided today. I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow, the up side is we have our AC in at the trailer now, at least we can be confortable when we go to bed. Jerid is having a hard time with working at Kidtalk, I don't know how I can make it easy for him, I wish I knew why he is so resistent to working with them. I'm also wondering why he is so reluctant to most things, he just seems more withdrawn then usual. sigh.
I can't help but relate it to Bill (Justin's dad) he is resistant to cares and is withdrawn as well. Not that it is related but it just seems like a paraelle.
I'm also trying to think of ways to use my tallents to bring about money or at least change to the system at hand. I can' t help but wonder why the government doesn't want familly's to have a legacy. It seems that houses are taken from famillies every year, because of the lack of money that a family can't pay to properly take care of a family member. Why is it so hard to find affordiable care for our aging community. No fed. gov. program, sliding fee scale with options for family to help by moving in to keep the family home sted. According to lawyers, Minnesota State law has made it even harder to keep a residence, no matter how many generations have lived in it. I can't believe that. It doesn't matter how much you've done from a far, because they are resistant to help (trying to convice you they are ok because of pride.) and tryed like hell to get your loved one home, to take care of them and give them what they want (which is to be home) That is why I want to start a "Keep the family home project" a non-profit org. to help give the family what they need when all they want to do is presurve the family home and history for the next gen. I just have no Idea how to do it. If anyone knows how, please let me know.

Thanks

thinking about my life

I've been thinking about my life and wondering what the heck I'm doing in it. As much as I like helping people and as much as I like using my talent to help others, I haven't done much for myself. I know that helping others shouldn't be a thing I should stop. I like helping others, I just think that I should start helping myself. I just don't know how. I want so much to happen for myself and my friends, yet I can't help but feel selfish even thinking this way. Even a little bit. I have to admit the more I try to "help myself" the more things go coocoo for me. the more I do for others, the more my life gets easier. I also have to take note the more I acknowlage this the more my life gets complicated.
This universe is very big and I am feeling so very small. I also feel anything I truely want is so big that it is not possible for me to grasp. That is for other people to have and I am not good enough and I am not worthy of such nice things to happen for me. Maybe If I write about it maybe I could send it to the world and let them deside, or the "cyber gods" can deside, I hate being the leaf on the wind, and wish to be the wind just for once, and have that power to move the fog from the confussed minds of the world and let the sun shine on the paths of hopes and dreams so that everyone can have a clear path, including my own, so I don't have to feel like a person who has to grope threw the smokey consussion and know if I'm close to my dream or if I'm going to go off a cliff. Sigh, entill then I will continue with knitting for babys that need warmth & socks for my S.O.
and continue with the prayer that some how the fog will lift on its own, and I will be able to see things before I fall. Heres to hoping.

convergance 2010

Beth Kinderman is trying to not fall asleep at Convergance 2010, this picture was taken at 2;30 am Friday July 2, 2010! Convegence is in full swing, I'll have more pictures and video soon!

Things are topsy turvey right now...I don't want to get to horrably into detail because I don't want to bore anyone. So I'll talk about all of the good stuff I can. Justin's bands, the Feng Shui Ninjas and Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters are having a CD release party as we speak! For the Feng Shui Ninjas, the CD is named Home Shuritken Kit (in case of an emergancy throw this disc) and for Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters it's More songs about Robots and Death. Both sound awesome! I get more amazed at the talent that they have every year.

I'm still knitting baby hats, my friend Linda, who I've been giving them to, told me that they have been going to North Memorial Hospitals in Mpls, MN. Up entill now I had no idea.

Jerid is going to be starting summer school in early July, Jerid qualified for wavered services for the CDSC grant, which meens I will be able to be payed to be Jerids care giver, which meens I'll be payed, I'll have a real paying job. I'm looking forward to making enough to pay taxes again. That hasn't happened in so long. We have been preparing for Convergance, this year we didn't prepare as well as we usually do, I still don't know if I'll have anything in time for the Art show.


Justin's dad was home from the Nursing home for the weekend last week, but had to go back to the rehab center. sigh, complicated things going on with the house in Carver. four and half generations of history may be left to the state, not to Justin , because of Bill not trying anyone. sigh.

Been moving to Carver, and yet it seems not at all. It doesn't help that Jerid is now out of school and it's just me, Justin and Jerid. Now not to say we haven't had help, we just have been doing ALOT of cleaning at the Carver house, there is at least ten years worth of dust and grime and clutter to work threw before we can even start moving our stuff in. ICK! so I am very thankful for what help we do get, thank you to all that have helped you know who you are. We can not even know where to begin with the thanking. sigh... Justin's dad will be back this Friday. His hospital bed will be coming on Thursday. Justin and I have been at our wits end and have been non to kind to each other lately. I blame the stresses of his father coming home, and up in coming events that may not be easy to attend. (CD release parties, Convergance to name a few) We will do what we can and hopefully things will turn out for the best, entill then Justin's dad will be home for fathers day. Yay! Justin and his Mom have not spoken to each other in even tones for almost a year, and now we will be living four blocks away from her, very soon...should be intresting. (sigh)

It also has been an emotionally hard week on me because it was Eric and I's twelve year wedding anniversary. I know he has been gone for eight years and I should have moved completly on bye now, but I get sad on that day because it was a very complex, confussing, angering and loving day. To put it mildly. It would take alot to make me forget that day. 6-12-1998. sigh

On a different note, I have been knitting still, mostly infant hats, very little and very fun. I've been taking a break from things that make me think to much and I like to use up my left over sock yarn. Keeps me in motion, when I have to keep my hands busy.

I have also started reading again, I have been reading the Dresden Files (finally) it is a good series, ok, I admit I saw the TV series first but the books are riviting. I also find it funny that all in all I'm still reading about a wizard named Harry. (Justin is on the last book of the Harry Potter series, I finally got him to read them, and I think this is the fastest I've ever seen him read anything, especially seven books in a row.)

Jerid has taken a break from Kidtalk O.T. this summer, I think it's lame that he has too because this is the time that he does his best is when he is off school. His speech is going in a different direction. In stead of them making him talk they are making him write what he wants in a relivent manner, ok I say good, but what about the talking part? They say it will come later, I just don't know how to feel about it.

Between Justin's dad, and mom, Jerid and his therepies, and all the other new things coming up I feel very tired.

It was brought to my attention that today is the 20th anniversary of Jim Henson's passing. It, to me, didn't seem that long ago. I still remember the shock from the news and watching the funeral on channel two, crying while Harry Belafantie sang his tribute to Jim. I have bought all the sessions of the Muppet show that have come out, the Story Teller series, and enjoy watching the older skits from the show Sesame Street. Not to mention all the movies that he has contributed too. I think the only thing I haven't gotten was the series Farscape, (which was what he was working on before he had gotten so sick) I guess, what I am saying is...Jim, where ever you are....Thanks.

Now that I have my creative writing out of the way, I can write about my life. The Ode to Chubby Hubby was because of yesterday. I was sick yesterday and to settle my tummy Justin bought me some Chubby Hubby, and it helped. Silly I know, but true. I tummy is settled, but still a little ill. I was introduced to the ice cream by my late husband Eric. It was one of his favorites, and those who know they discontinued the flavor for a while and reintroduced it only a year or two ago. I also have heard the reference to the flavor on Everybody loves Raymond. I thought it funny that I was eating it when it was made.

Now I have to announce that I have finished one of the Wicked Wicked Elphaba socks, this last week, I really like the pattern. It is beautiful.

I know I have written about Jerid and the Special Olympics, the "rap up Party" for the Spring Olympics is coming up on the 25th of April, to get pictures of the teams (swimming and basketball) for the local paper. I will be posting the pictures as well on my blogs.

The Minnesota river is now under 21 feet in Carver MN. and we don't have sub pump the basement anymore! I am greatful for that.

There has been many stresses in my life so I'm getting it out now, at the beginning of this there was an outstanding bill that was owed to Justin's mom, (long, long, long story,) around 750 dollars long. Soon after we took out money from the last of our savings to pay her off, dryer died, it is truly dead. Just last week our water heater died as well, and because we live in a trailer, it is large some of money to replace the effing thing!! GRRRR!!! (Way more then 750 dollars) The same day we found that out we did our taxes, we had to pay in six dollars to fed. and we get twelve back from state. OK, not bad, then we got a letter from Justin's work saying that he will have a ten percent pay decrease, effective now. They are claiming it's because of increased premiums of their insurance plans, which I think it interesting that Justin doesn't get insurance through his work, so where is it going? I don't think he should pay for something he doesn't get himself.

I think it's safe to say I don't like money. I never really liked it. I understand that we need it as an economic country, we can not live without it. With out it you can't get anything. Which sucks.
Sorry to get political but I have to say...
I'm wishing for a change. I understand that Obama is fighting for the little guy, (which we are in that little guy range) I just wish the rest of Washington could get on board.

I heard on MPR (Minnesota Public Radio) the other day from a caller who was in the TEA (Taxed Enough Already) party, say that people will have to get off welfare, and get a job.

I have something to say to those who think that way.

Not everyone on welfare wants to be there. If there were jobs, they would get them. Some people have no choice on the matter. Some have criminal records, some are disabled, some are clinically depressed, some don't have an education and are under qualified, some are over qualified, and some don't have the money to get the proper work attire, and some don't even know what that is. Some don't have proper day care or the means to get it, some are single parents getting threw a ruff patch, and are trying to find their way.

A lot of the people are hard workers at heart, and just have fallen into a rut and should not be judged.

I certainly didn't when I was put in the welfare system. I was to old to be on my parents insurance and two young to be on strait M. A. (Medical Assistance) I was 19 years old and pregnant. The county signed me on to the welfare program (cash assistance and food stamps) which cost the county more then to just cover my medical expenses, WTF! I ended up getting married to get M. A. so I wasn't on welfare. For the record, we got married because we were in love too, the M.A thing was icing on the cake. (that too is a long story)

I do think they, the county, has to look at what people want and what they need, and respect what the individual wants.

I admit that their are people who wreck the system for the rest of the population, it happens on every system that exists. But every system is different and it is fluid and always changing, just like this health care reform. It will be changed by the course of time and who is in office will reflect that. I'm not happy with everything happening in Washington either, I'll be truthful. I'm not 100% happy either.

But I stand by the fact that not everyone who is there wants to there.

I heard that most of the TEA party members make more then 100,000 dollars in a year. They don't the gov. to take over health care, the banks, or anything. Yet when they see suffering, they contact their congress men and say what are you going to to about that.

I say what are YOU going to to about that!!! If you don't like what's going on in your community, get involved in it. The only way to make a change is to change what you don't like yourself. Become a volunteer, pick up litter when you see it. If you don't want to give your money give your time to a shelter, see where your tax money is going and help out in the causes you believe in most, a rally shows Washington that your mad, but don't you think that you could have used that time to volunteer some where? Don't you think you would have getten a better feeling of self worth? You can be the judge.

Now that rant is over, I have to say, even with my stomach issues, I can see that it is a nice day outside in Minnesota. I think I do some knitting in the sun today.

Maybe take some pictures.

A poem...

Ode to Chubby Hubby.

Oh, Chubby Hubby, how I adore your peanutery gooiness.
The chocolate covered allore of the salty peanut butter filled pretzel.
Ben & Jerry how I stand in aw of your wonderful creation, wondering how I ate you so quickly and when OH, when will you bring back the other wonder, your Black and Tan. Because that was good too!

Thank you.

Jerid was at the State compition for swimming for the Special Olypmics today, he got second place in the fifteen meter assistant swim! I am so proud of him, I can't wait to see what he does next!

The water is receding in the river in Carver MN, and the house is getting more work done, the Weatherization group has come in this week making updates on the heating sistems.

The FuMP Sideshow

The FuMP Sideshow

Here is a link to some intresting and funny music, even if you don't know firefly!

We are, like most people in the Midwest. Worried about the rising waters especially in Carver MN. On one of the dike the rising waters and on the other, the house we are tring to fix for Justin's father. The Pictures were taken on the same dike. We are still awaiting word from the Weatherization company to see what happen's next...I hope things will come around soon, it's getting scary here on the wire. Pictures of the house are taken by Sara Dibble, the Bridge is taken by Justin Hartley.

Jerid has been doing well on his practices for the Special Olympics and he gets tired after his practice, he is a trooper, thow this week he had an ear infection he will be ready to work by next week. Justin got news that workers will be coming to his dad's house on the 8th of this month! I will be taking pictures as the progression goes! no pictures now but as soon as the work begins I will be posting them, for now no pics! sorry, that leaves room for suspence! LOL! I have been taking pictures of my dolls and that is about it. The weather has been getting better here in MN we as a familly are looking forward to spring! We actually started Spring Cleaning for Justin's dad's house and for our own house. On the up side Jerid has been gaining weight! He has been averaging about a pound a week! I don't think he has ever averaged that in his life, it's great! I'm so happy he is growing, there was a time when the docters thought that he might not. He's 75 lbs and growing! It's Awesome! Justin has been sticking with the same story, I think he might finish it! I'm proud of him! He is a good writer and I'm happy he is sticking threw to the end he is also talking about illistraiting and having me help, I'm more then happy to do so! Now I'm looking forward to getting Jerid's very own Aqua Jogger so he can compete in the Special Olympics, entill he gets one he can't, so I get paid tomorrow and that is first on the aggenda!

Happy New Year all!!!!! Haven't posted in forever, but I am back with some new dolls,

Her name is AOD Wan Wan, but I call her Desuma,

which is Amused backwards which I find totally fitting she is so cute! this is one of my many pictures of this pretty, pretty dolly!

More pictures to come! some of old dolls and some of my newer ones!

This is my newest doll He is a Robert Tonner Dumbledore and he is is beautiful! Here is some of the pictures I have taken of him!!!

my birthday was on the 23, and man do I feel old! Jerid is turning 11 and going into middle school, man where does the time go?

I have a YouTube page, it has videos of Two Bands that I like alot, The Feng Shui Ninjas and Beth Kinderman and the Player Characters!! They just came out with new CD's!! (FSN) with Garbage Pizza and (BK&PC's) with Apocalypse Blues!!! Just thought I would update things!!!

I got a new girl she is an AOD Sara, and I think she is insperational. I got her about a month ago, I have shared on other sights but I finally got to this one, I have tuns of pictures I just like this one alot. We went to our first doll Meet up that was organized on Den of Angels it was at the Como Zoo in MN. it was a beautiful day I brought AOD Sara and my Miss Turry (from Goodreau) I had a good time and I think they did too!