To make no mistake I did make my choices to be here, where I am. Although the consequences are not all what I was hoping for. I did choose to stay in a relationship with a man who was dying, and I did choose to have his child, even though I didn't realize how much assistance he will be needing for the rest of his life, but they were and are worth it. Eric died soon before our sons third birthday. As expected as it was, it was sudden and we honestly thought there would be more time, or at least a lengthy goodbye. He was there, talking about planning a Halloween party, then all of a sudden he was cold and he had seizure, the ambulance came, they got him awake enough to say that we were his family, and he loved us, they took him on a stretcher, and he was gone by the time he was at the hospital. We knew because of his Gaucher's disease he wasn't long for this world. He said by the time he was two he was diagnoses, and those people who are diagnosed at that age, don't tend to see three. When he was three and doing fine, they figured out there was two types of Gaucher's and the had the second type. At the time there wasn't any treatment only maintenance. So When his spleen needed to be removed at the age of seven, they removed it. It was seven pounds, it's usually seven ounces in the average person of eighty years. Anyway. I don't know what my point of writing about this, I guess it's just something I gotta get out of my head. When we met I was nineteen years old, and in a relationship that was going nowhere. He was the kind of guy who lived an hour away, and was making up excuses why he couldn't come my direction, also didn't seem to want me really in his life, and was more interested in video games. No shade on that guy, he was a nice guy, just didn't work out, I don't think I was his type, and he was too nice to really be honest about it. We still talk from time to time. I think our neurodiverances clashed, lol. I was finding myself being with Eric more and more then anyone else. Eric was the type of guy who would get on a bus for half the day just to meet up halfway between our houses, which was ridiculous because he was forty-five minutes away, and it took him three hours to meet up with me. lol. He said I was worth it. I told him he was crazy.
I was struggling to keep the relationship open, because I didn't want to keep falling in relationships with guys. My first relationship was from fifteen years old, until he dumped me two weeks before my eighteenth birthday. I decided to get a job at the Ren fair of MN, and do the thing that boyfriend told me not to do and that was work out there. I roller skated, I got a second job, I was going into my last year of highschool, even though I was moving on, He would call. I admit against all better judgement, I answered. The relationship was healthy at first,but turned toxic, I was supportive, and helpful to him and his family, but then odd things would happen. He had issue with me doing anything. He didn't want me to work jobs that didn't match his schedual, he didn't like me talking to other men, even at work, he would take me out and if I did something better then him (like bowling) we never did that together again. He dumped me after a trip to Germany he had with his High school german teacher that summer. I was planning on going with him, but something odd happened, he declared I wouldn't appreciate the country because I didn't know the language, and didn't want me to go. So I stayed. Waiting for every phone call, being the good girl. I did end up visiting an old friend of the family, just to keep myself busy. Which was fun.
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