Am I in the wrong timeline?

 Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong time line. Like my life isn't real, and if it is real, that it's all wrong. Not sure why. I just feel it to my bones. In the timeline I'm missing there is a level of happiness I am allowed to feel, that I can't here. There is a moment or two that I feel like it's possible, but soon after it gets swept away and covered up like dirt under a rug and stepped on. 

That is all 

 it is now 2024

I have a twenty-five year old and a two year old. 

I am 45, I never thought this would happen to me, I was content with the older one, he has the mental capacity of a two year old, I didn't realize it until we had a two year old to compare. I mean having a child with special needs was definitely not planned, neither was having a baby in my forties. This just proves that Life never goes as planned, for most people. 

I love my kids. 

I just wish I loved my life a little more.

The amount of Neurodivergence is staggering. 

Well, that's all for now.

screaming into the void

 At this point I am thinking this blog is me just screaming into the void. Doesn't seem to be much of a following here, so why the heck not?

This is a story of my weekend. I will not use names, or descriptions of people for their privacy. Not that many read this blog, but knowing my luck, this one will go viral. 

This last weekend, I went to a Woman's witch retreat. This is an annual event, they changed a few rules, without adding reminders, so of course, I didn't know of all the changes. There was zero divinations, So my usual of bringing Tarot cards was a big no, no. Oops. 

I'm not much of a medium, I do get messages from time to time, if it's loud enough, and I'm open to it. I've been closed off for a few years, due to the fact that I was pregnant, and was focused of raising my now 18 month old, I didn't expect to have my third eye open anytime soon. 

There was a woman who was having a hard time with her family. She lost a lot. She was suffering with these losses, she also suffered many random and extremely painful headaches, and was suffering one of those headaches, and as she was standing up, I bent down to give her a hand, and offer her some water. Then like a bolt of lighting, a message from one of her guides, shot into me and shot out of my mouth like a bunch of verbal diarrhea. All I really remember of the message was, I have message for you, you won't like it. She looked at me and said ok. and out it came. She declared she it wasn't a message she wanted. 

Sigh. She ran out of the room crying. Like I had kicked her pet. I was yelled at because I was mean to her, Divination wasn't allowed, and I should drop it, even though she didn't get the full message. 

What angered me, was through the rest of the weekend, I was basically low keyed to go home. I didn't. I kept waiting for a mediation to sort it out. I was waiting for her to want the rest of the message, maybe even figure out who it was that was giving the message. 

I was in a room full of witches who were far more gifted then I am, and none of them wanted to understand, that when a message is half delivered the spirit doesn't stop until the message was received. So her headaches stopped, mine began. I sent the message, but it's clearly not received. I've been told to drop it. How do I just tell this spirit, He isn't wanted, by his charge, and I can't help someone who doesn't want it.  So screaming into the void is all I have at this point. No one seems to care. 

So I will put the message here for anyone it resonates with it.   

Message to This person

For fuck sake, the things that are happening around you, are not happening to you, their illnesses are not your illnesses! Stop making their pain yours! Stop making their pain your personality! you are so much more then that! Stop stifling yourself and settling for less! You need to find yourself and stop defining yourself by the people around you, or the people you’ve lost, you are worth more than that! Stop trying to make yourself less. If you would listen to me to begin with, I wouldn’t get so mad, and you wouldn’t have the painful headaches. I don’t like putting you in pain, but it pains me more you are not listening.

So if this resonates, I'm so sorry.

This spirit is very persistent. I'm going to be looking up spells to calm him down, so he can be at rest. I feel bad for all involved. Literally no one wants me to clarify, and that's driving him nuts, which is driving me nuts. I just want the screaming to stop.

sigh. So I must do the screaming into the void to push past his.

I like to end my blogs with a question, not sure why, sometimes I like to think someone will read this someday.

What frustrates you?

From the angry older guy over her right shoulder, with the receding hairline and glasses. For fuck sake, the things that are happening around you, are not happening to you, their illnesses are not your illnesses! Stop making their pain yours! Stop making their pain your personality! you are so much more then that! Stop stifling yourself and settling for less! You need to find yourself and stop defining yourself by the people around you, or the people you’ve lost, you are worth more than that! Stop trying to make yourself less. If you would listen to me to begin with, I wouldn’t get so mad, and you wouldn’t have the painful headaches. I don’t like putting you in pain, but it pains me more you are not listening.

Enter

Message to KimZ From the angry older guy over her right shoulder, with the receding hairline and glasses. For fuck sake, the things that are happening around you, are not happening to you, their illnesses are not your illnesses! Stop making their pain yours! Stop making their pain your personality! you are so much more then that! Stop stifling yourself and settling for less! You need to find yourself and stop defining yourself by the people around you, or the people you’ve lost, you are worth more than that! Stop trying to make yourself less. If you would listen to me to begin with, I wouldn’t get so mad, and you wouldn’t have the painful headaches. I don’t like putting you in pain, but it pains me more you are not listening.

Ente